Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
