Welp...herpes.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
