; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
