I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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