I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Randomize
