I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
