I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
