"it" just moved
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize