Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
