thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
She announced her abortion via fbk
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize