how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize