why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
