I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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