and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I need water and some morals
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
