she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
