When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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