Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
