i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
