okay pat passed out under dana's car
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
