walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
