So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Randomize
