john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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