is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
