Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
