I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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