It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
