Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
