Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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