when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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