I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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