I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
