I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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