My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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