My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
