I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
