Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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