just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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