i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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