he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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