I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
