i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
