they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
