ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
