Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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