She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
