I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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