We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
This house was built for laser tag.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
