so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
