Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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