if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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