I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
