I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
