Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
