how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
