im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
