i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Randomize
