when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize