words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
