Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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