I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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