the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
