We won't sleep together?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
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