Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
